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Cuisine Cuisine
Funnies
If you like Jerry Seinfeld, you'll love this clip of Dan Nainan, often called the "Indian Seinfeld". Also check out the dead-on Bill Clinton impressions, as well as the George Bush, Arnold and Jesse Jackson impressions
Have
You heard this One?
Indian
Film Stars & Their Answering Machines
Amitabh
- Han han mein chor hun, mein bazar mein kaladhandha karta hun, police
ke record mein mera naam hai. Lekin mein akela nahin hun. Jao pahle ush
admi ko msg de kar aao jisne mera baap ko chor kaha tha; Jao pahle ush
admi ko msg de kar aao jisne meri maa ko gali deke naukri se nikal diya
tha; jao pahle ush aadmi ko msg de kar aao jisne mere haath me yeh likh
diya tha; Uske BAAD, Uske baad mere bhai tum jab chahoge tab mere m/c
mein msg de dena.
Dharmendra - Kutte Kaminey, Agar
tuune apni maa ki doodh piya hai to message chodde, warana mein tujhe
jinda nahin chodunga.
AJIT's voicemail - Sari duniya mujhe
white LION ke naamse janti hai, jabtak tum messages chhodoge hum bharat
se bahut dur ja chuke honge, robert helicopter chalu karo !!
Ajit : "Smart move". Phone
kiya aapne baaahot aaachha kiya Apka nam chod dijiye aur Mona apka phone
louta degi ! Please Hiron ki aawaj sunte hi record karna !
Shatru : jis haram-zade ne call kiya
hain ... mein us haram-zade ko zinda nahi chodunga... jaan se maar dunga
Shatru - AAahoy ! Ye Chenu ka
answering m/c hai ! Seedhi taraha se message chhod de warna mai teri
haddi pasli ek kardunga, ! haaa
Shatru - Apne Mangal ko phone kiya
hai, koi phate hue tash ke tirpanve patte ko nahin ! Nam chod dena Ham
patta khud jaan lenge !
Raj Kumar : Jaani. Shisheke gharome
rahane wale pathar nahi pheka karate.Tum pathar mat pheko message chodo.
Hum jara jaldi me hai.
Jaani yeh answering machine koi bacchon ka khel nahi. hum ko mita sake
woh tumahre msg mein dum nahi.... hum se hain ye m/c .. m/c se hum nahi....
Pran - PATHAN ki ansering m/c....
HUM tereku bola msg chod de warna hum
pathan ka baccha tumara tangdi tod dega
Prem Chopra - hum woh hain jo shishe
ko patthar se katate hain.... aaapke msg ki iit ka jawab patthar se
denge.... BTW: Mera Naam hai Pre'm, He he Pre'm Chopra
KESTO - Ihhhiyaa ! saale message
Chhod ! nahi to Batli de !! Ihhhiyaa! Jaldi kar HICH ! Apun ko janeka
hai Ihhhiyaa ! ! hick! aay . hick! ye ansering hick! machine hick! msg
..
Asrani - AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAA !
Phone kiya ! Tune phone kiya RRRRREEEEEE! Message rakh !
AAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAA !
Asrani -- adhe log 1 press karo..
adhe log 2 press karo... baki msg rakho.hum angrezon ke zamane ke jailar
hain hA HAAAAAAA.. msg angrezimeinrakho.. HA HAAAAAAA
BINDU - Mera nam hai shabnam, pyar
se log mujhe SHABBO kehate hai...Tumhara naan kya hai !! Tina
Mina, Anju, Manju Yaaa Madhuuu.
Shakti - aaauu lalita, Message chhod
deee ! warna teri maa ki jaaan....Aaaauu lalita !! mera naam Balma...
badriparsad lalanparsadmalapani... balma..Pyarasa... Nanhasa.. Chotasa
....Balmaa. Aur mere kane
Chaku hai?
Mehmood - Kya bula tu. Mereku kya
bola tu. Seedhi tarah se message rakhaneko bola ... Aur tum muh pe
kuphal daal kai baithta kya
Mehmood2 - ayyo dyevi . tum kitna
khoobsoorat msg chchodta ji.. Aum yakdam pagal O jata ji, Aiyo Wanga,
Ider Aana, ayyo BinduSSS
Gabbar - soovar ke bachcho . main
ghar mein nahi hu. ab tera kya hoga re kalia? raat ko jab tej tej phone
ki ghanti bajti hai to maa kehti hai msg chchod beta varna gabbar nahi
sunega ... Yaad rahe Yaha se 50 50 mil ki
doori par jab koi baccha rota hai to maa kahati hai "beta so ja
nahi togabbar singh ka voice mail Bolega...."
Basanti -yun ki hume jaada bukbuk
karne ki aadat to hai nahi . agar mere liye msg hai to 1 dabana. agar
mausi ke liye hai to 2 dabana . agar veeru ke liye hai to dono dabana .
yun ki hume lamba msg rakhne ki aadat to hai
nahi... agar mere liye msg hai...to 1 dabana.......
Top
Guju
Jokes
Why
did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.
A Gujju Business house?
Kalabhai-Salabhai.
Why did the Gujju go to Rome?
To listen to Pop(e) music.
Ghati
Jokes
Ghat
jokes ( A little knowledge of Marathi might help )
Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian in the U.S.?
A : Western Ghat.
Q : What does a Maharashtrian mean by "fast food"?
A : Sabudana Khichdi.
Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian who makes air-conditioners?
A : Cool-karni.
Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian whose father is missing?
A : Ba-gul.
Q : What would you call Urmila in the role of a monkey?
A : Urmila MakkadTondkar.
Q : Which is the highest office occupied by Maharashtrians in the
U.S.A.?
A : That of the Vice-President - Dan Quayle(Kale) & Al
Gore.
Top
Mumbai
Jokes
Q
: How come the Bombay Ranji team has so many fast bowlers?
A : West Indians are natural fast bowlers.
Q : How do dogs in Dombivli (place near Bombay) wag their tails?
A : Up & down. Because, they don't have enough space to wag
sideways.
Q : What did one tamarind in a sack tell its neighbor?
A : "I feel as if I am traveling in a Bombay local".
Top
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Every
community has its quirks. Many characteristics define a particular group
of people and we sometimes find that we can sit back and laugh at these
little things.
With
malice towards none ....
SARDARJIS
One Sardarji is a truck-driver.
Two Sardarjis is a roadside dhaba.
Three Sardarjis is a terrorist outfit.
Four Sardarjis are always found in jokes.
MALAYALEES
One Malayalee is a narial-pani shop.
Two Malayalees is a boat race.(chettan1 & chettan2)
Three Malayalees is a Gulf job racket.
Four Malayalees is an oil slick.
TAMILIANS
One Tamilian is a fugitive sandalwood smuggler.
Two Tamilians is a suicide-bomb squad.
Three Tamilians is a classical music school.
Four Tamilians is a Jayalalitha fan club.
KANNADIGAS
One Kannadiga is a coffee estate.
Two Kannadiga is a Udupi restaurant.
Three Kannadiga is a pepper powder factor.
Four Kannadiga is an anti-Cauvery demonstration.
ANDHRAITES
One Andhraite is a cycle-rickshaw driver.
Two Andhraites is a spice shop.
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites is the Telugu film industry.
BENGALIS
One Bengali is a sweet shop.
Two Bengalis is a black-and-white movie.
Three Bengalis is a Mohun Bagan support group.
Four Bengalis is a Marxist movement.
RAJASTHANIS
One Rajasthani is a cattle-seller.
Two Rajasthanis is a mason.
Three Rajasthanis is a puppetry outfit.
Four Rajasthanis is a dance-drama.
GOANS
One Goan is Remo Fernandes.
Two Goans is a Feni distillery.
Three Goans is a football club.
Four Goans is an all-night-long party.
MANGALOREANS
One Mangalorean is a betel-nut seller.
Two Mangaloreans can't stand one another.
Three Mangaloreans is a Udupi restaurant.
Four Mangaloreans is a fanatical Konkani Sabha.
BOMBAYITES
One Bombayite is a hawker.
Two Bombayites is a film industry.
Three Bombayites is a bustling slum.
Four Bombayites is the rush-hour train crowd.
MAHARASHTRIANS
One Maharashtrian is a bus conductor.
Two Maharashtrians is a kabaddi player.
Three Maharashtrians is a pickle factory.
Four Maharashtrians is a Shiv Sena Shakha.
GUJARATIS
One Gujarati is a share broker in a Mumbai train.
Two Gujaratis is the total chatter in a Mumbai train.
Three Gujaratis is a rummy game in a Mumbai train.
Four Gujaratis is a bhajan singing session in a Mumbai train.
SINDHIS
One Sindhi is a currency racket.
Two Sindhis is a papad factory
Three Sindhis is a duplicate goods shop.
Four Sindhis is a lot of gas around (yeech!).
BIHARIS
One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis is a booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis is a caste killing.
Four Biharis is the total literacy rate in the state.
BHAIYYAS
One Bhaiyya is a milkman.
Two Bhaiyyas is a chanawala (or panipuri wala).
Three Bhaiyyas is a temple-destruction squad.
Four Bhaiyyas is a halwai shop.
(And 12 Bhaiyyas is one SMALL, happy family).
KASHMIRIS
One Kashmiri is a boatman.
Two Kashmiris is a carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris is a tourist agency.
Four Kashmiris is a Mujahadeen outfit.
Well
here are some of the things that the Indian community settled in the US
for a while might find familiar and funny..
You
know someone who owns a motel or a convenience store.
You
unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the
wrapping (and especially those bows) next time.
You
own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
You
don't use measuring cups and measuring spoons while cooking. Every
thing is a dash and a pinch............."and you know"
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More to come ......Top
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